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View Full Version : "Petula Clarke, 1989, Up The Arse."



The Cheap-Arse Film Critic
05-12-2007, 02:43 PM
Now, because I don't want to get sued, I'm going to state before I tell this story, I'm going to add that all this is alleged. Although I really hope it's true...

... I was down the pub with a friend of mine tonight, and he was telling me about a friend of his Dad's who used to be a member of a very posh golf club. One night, he and his friends were drinking in the bar of the club, when who should walk in but Sean Connery. They noticed him walk in, and nodged the guy to go over and ask him if he wanted a drink. He did, and, amazingly, he came over to talk with the group. They all got quite drunk, and the guys started asking him to spill some Hollywood gossip, to which he laughed and said he couldn't. They called it a night not long after that.

Then, the next day, when they were at the club again, he came up to them, grinned, and...

... well, read the thread title.

Like I said, I really hope that story is true. My friend has no reason to lie about something like that, but there's always the chance he was bullshitting.

But it makes me smile anyway.

Foolish Mortal
05-12-2007, 02:48 PM
:rofl:

The thing about this story is it could be absolute bullshit, but knowing Sean Connery, it could be absolutely true.

The Cheap-Arse Film Critic
05-12-2007, 03:03 PM
:rofl:

The thing about this story is it could be absolute bullshit, but knowing Sean Connery, it could be absolutely true.

Were it anybody except him, I'd be more reluctant to believe it.

sonnylarue
05-12-2007, 04:05 PM
sounds like the solution to a game of CLUE

Michael Blacklist
05-12-2007, 04:06 PM
sounds like the solution to a game of CLUE

You're right... the story would be much better Connery started to walk away, only to turn and say "With a candlestick".

sonnylarue
05-12-2007, 04:19 PM
It also gives new meaning to the song DOWNTOWN

Bill Nolan
05-12-2007, 04:19 PM
Poor Petula keeps getting older everytime this particular one gets told:

http://spellcnut.blogspot.com/2002_08_01_archive.html

Tuesday, August 27

Star F***er.
Friend of a friend of a friend was somehow at a dinner with Sean Connery and his cronies at Gleneagles last weekend. Everyone was getting nicely pickled and chatting about cinematic anecdotes - then someone asks: "what we really want to know, Sean, is who was the best shag you ever had?" He grins, and says: "too many journalists and gobshites here, boys." Fair enough. Everyone gets far more pissed, and just before the revels end, said friend of a friend of a friend gets tapped on shoulder. It is a very pissed Connery, who simply says: "Petula Clark. 1963. Up the arse." And walks away to his waiting car.

"When you're alone/ And life is making you lonely
You can always go/ Brown Town!"

Caley Tibbittz
05-12-2007, 04:39 PM
What if every iteration of the story is true?

Keith P.
05-12-2007, 04:48 PM
This thread fails for so many reasons.


1) OH MY GOD A FAMOUS PERSON HAD ANAL SEX OH MY GOD, HOW TABOO! HOW SCANDALOUS!!! SO SHOCKING!!! LET'S ALL GET TOGETHER AND BE SHOCKED AND GIGGLE ABOUT ANAL SEX, TEE HEE. THEN WE WILL GO HOME AND DIE VIRGINS!!


2) Trying to pass off an urban legend as something that happened to someone you know. Lame. So very, very lame. One of the actually lamest things that a person can do.

bartleby
05-12-2007, 04:56 PM
2) Trying to pass off an urban legend as something that happened to someone you know. Lame. So very, very lame. One of the actually lamest things that a person can do.


So wait... all your stories are things that actually happened to you?!

:shock:

Keith P.
05-12-2007, 05:00 PM
So wait... all your stories are things that actually happened to you?!

:shock:

Yes.

I'm not nearly creative or have the imagination to make stuff up. I sometimes seriously wonder if I have some kind of curse.

Whats even funnier is, I have a friend who has a similiar problem, only hers is probably twice as bad as mine. It has gotten to the point that before she moved to Atlanta we used to constantly talk about how we were going to get each other killed or possibly sold into white slavery.

moonspider
05-12-2007, 08:53 PM
lol....i like this story...for that you get HUG!

Chris McCarver
05-12-2007, 09:14 PM
The fact that I have to pass a massive goddamn billboard of Petula Clark on my way to work everyday (since she performs in Branson) has just been made funnier.

Thank you.

The Cheap-Arse Film Critic
05-13-2007, 04:06 AM
2) Trying to pass off an urban legend as something that happened to someone you know. Lame. So very, very lame. One of the actually lamest things that a person can do.

I'd never heard this urban legend until last night, when a friend of mine pasted it off as a story he'd heard from one of his friends. So I'm not lame. I'm just gullible.

The Cheap-Arse Film Critic
05-13-2007, 04:10 AM
1) OH MY GOD A FAMOUS PERSON HAD ANAL SEX OH MY GOD, HOW TABOO! HOW SCANDALOUS!!! SO SHOCKING!!! LET'S ALL GET TOGETHER AND BE SHOCKED AND GIGGLE ABOUT ANAL SEX, TEE HEE. THEN WE WILL GO HOME AND DIE VIRGINS!!

And one more thing...

... I have the reputation of being the most anally obsessed straight man that posts on this board. Very possibly the most anally obsessed straight man alive (although Blandy may give me a run in that regard). So I didn't find that story worth posting because I found it taboo. If anything, I found it worth posting because I found it mildly titillating

Michael Blacklist
05-13-2007, 04:10 AM
Does anyone else think this story will live forever, eventually being told as "My friends and I bumped into Daniel Craig in a bar last night..."?

Thommy Melanson
05-13-2007, 04:47 AM
2) Trying to pass off an urban legend as something that happened to someone you know. Lame. So very, very lame. One of the actually lamest things that a person can do.

Oh yeah, totally!

I tried explaining that to a friend of mine one night, but couldn't get a word in edgewise.

He just kept droning on about his honeymoon.

He got married a few weeks ago, and he and his wife went to Jamaica. While there, not only did he nearly get killed when he did a header into a ceiling fan dressed as Batman (don't ask), but when he and his wife developed their pictures from the trip (they still use old-school film cameras) there were shots of a stranger with their toothbrushes up his ass!

I've known this guy for years - ever since we used to wrangle albino alligators in the Manhattan sewers together - so I believe him implicitly.

Foolish Mortal
05-13-2007, 06:27 AM
And one more thing...

... I have the reputation of being the most anally obsessed straight man that posts on this board. Very possibly the most anally obsessed straight man alive (although Blandy may give me a run in that regard). So I didn't find that story worth posting because I found it taboo. If anything, I found it worth posting because I found it mildly titillating
And another thing, this is the Internet. Anal jokes are a staple of the Internet. :)

Ethan Van Sciver
05-13-2007, 06:34 AM
Technofear, 2007, up the arse. :D

Keith P.
05-13-2007, 06:59 AM
Oh yeah, totally!

I tried explaining that to a friend of mine one night, but couldn't get a word in edgewise.

He just kept droning on about his honeymoon.

He got married a few weeks ago, and he and his wife went to Jamaica. While there, not only did he nearly get killed when he did a header into a ceiling fan dressed as Batman (don't ask), but when he and his wife developed their pictures from the trip (they still use old-school film cameras) there were shots of a stranger with their toothbrushes up his ass!

I've known this guy for years - ever since we used to wrangle albino alligators in the Manhattan sewers together - so I believe him implicitly.


I'd ask if you want to go make out, but I hear someguy with a hook for a hand escaped from the local loony bin.

Greenville 90210
05-13-2007, 11:54 AM
This thread fails for so many reasons.


1) OH MY GOD A FAMOUS PERSON HAD ANAL SEX OH MY GOD, HOW TABOO! HOW SCANDALOUS!!! SO SHOCKING!!! LET'S ALL GET TOGETHER AND BE SHOCKED AND GIGGLE ABOUT ANAL SEX, TEE HEE. THEN WE WILL GO HOME AND DIE VIRGINS!!


:roll: :blah: :roll:

Greenville 90210
05-13-2007, 11:56 AM
Technofear, 2007, up the arse. :D

:heart:

TheTravis!
05-13-2007, 01:00 PM
Technofear, 2007, up the arse. :D

THIS story I believe.

NATE!
05-13-2007, 02:06 PM
lol internet