(Personal) Making NEW Friends is Hard

[Garth]

So, for those of you who remember (and more importantly those who don't) about 2 years ago, I moved from sunny California to Boston, in an adventure to live with my girlfriend of 6 years. A year and a half pass, I got a decent job and no MAJOR problems. Well about a month and a half ago, we decided to end it. Some major stuff came up, which I am not proud of, and my girlfriend moved out.

So now, here I am in Boston. I know virtually no one. My main contacts are people from work. It is just weird to think that I am 3,500 miles from my family and my best friends. My girlfriend and I are still somewhat close, and we talk on occassion. But it is extra weird not having any real friends over here to hang out with.

What do people do when they move to a place and have little to no friends. Just an interesting situation, I guess. As you get older it becomes harder to just make new friends. What do you guys think? I guess I am just feeling particularly lonely with the break up and not knowing many people around here. It really sucks. And I don't recommend it to anyone.

[THWIP!]

I always sucked at making friends.

[Garth]

I always sucked at making friends.

Well, I mean all my closest friends are ones I met in high school, where you are kind of forced to interact with people. Just not the same as an adult.

[EximiusVir]

Call up sombody who has nothing going for them in cali and see if they want to move to Boston and maybe room with you until they get on their feet. It's always easier to make new friends when you have a buddy already with you. That way you don't look like a weirdo.

[FredC]

You're on a comic book message board talking to people online.

I get the feeling that none of us are too good at making friends. :)

[jason hissong]

what do you like to do? pursue those interests and meet people through those avenues.

[Greenville 90210]

How old are you?

Maybe meet up with some Boston Benboarders?

[ItsDLEVY]

I was just going to say, sounds like it's time for a Boston BenBoBash!

[Ethan Van Sciver]

You have to actually join an organization of some sort. Or church. It sucks.

[ItsDLEVY]

You have to actually join an organization of some sort. Or church. It sucks.

Did you just say church sucks? I'm telling.

[Greenville 90210]

I used to have a lot of friends who were girls. Most of them didn't want to date me and just wanted to be friends.

So...try dating.

[Lab-Rat]

Funny thing. When I moved from Houston to Austin, I was worried about making new friends. However on my first trip to the local comic shop, one of the clerks recognized me from the boards. Through that I met quite a few other people that I now consider good friends.


Good times.

[DrMachine]

I was just thinking the same thing. However I usually go out of my way to avoid making friends with people and yet somehow always end up meeting new people. I'm not trying to be sarcastic, I'm being serious...it's fucking weird and annoying.

[Garth]

You have to actually join an organization of some sort. Or church. It sucks.

Implying church isn't an organization? I would beg to differ, it is more of an organization then most organizations I know ;-). But you are right on the sucking part. It definitely does.


How old are you?

Maybe meet up with some Boston Benboarders?

25, I would love that. I know there is a weekly meeting at The Field on Wednesdays, right? The only issue, is I work evenings till 10pm. If there are still people hanging, I would love to meet up. But don't want to waste my time if everyone is just leaving when I get there.

[Garth]

I was just thinking the same thing. However I usually go out of my way to avoid making friends with people and yet somehow always end up meeting new people. I'm not trying to be sarcastic, I'm being serious...it's fucking weird and annoying.

Well, I have always had 4-5 REALLY good friends, and never really looked outside my circle. Now I am completely out of my environment and need to make a new circle for myself. I don't know, just pretty miserable as of late.

[Ethan Van Sciver]

You could be friends with my friend Arch Hall Jr.

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B000087F1V.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg

[DrMachine]

Well, I have always had 4-5 REALLY good friends, and never really looked outside my circle. Now I am completely out of my environment and need to make a new circle for myself. I don't know, just pretty miserable as of late.

Find a bar to hang out at.

Where do you buy comics? I keep having conversations with people at the comic store that lead to me being invited to some event.

[Smokinblues]

Well, I have always had 4-5 REALLY good friends, and never really looked outside my circle. Now I am completely out of my environment and need to make a new circle for myself. I don't know, just pretty miserable as of late.

well, you're probably going to work on your state of mind a little bit. if you're miserable or guilty or whatever your body language and attitudes are going to reflect that. I'm not saying be happy happy joy joy guy. I'm just saying you have to be ok with yourself before you're any good in any other relationships, even just friendships.

[FredC]

You could be friends with my friend Arch Hall Jr.

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B000087F1V.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg

Does he give you rides in his dune buggy?

[Ethan Van Sciver]

Does he give you rides in his dune buggy?

I'm going to ask!!! I want him to play "I Love You Vicki" for me.

[FredC]

I'm going to ask!!! I want him to play "I Love You Vicki" for me.

Just make sure you watch out for snakes...

[Foolish Mortal]

Did you just say church sucks? I'm telling.
Don't worry, I already called in and reported it. :thumb:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/AlexClarke/Starfighter/screenshot_01.jpg

[Simps]

I would be your friend but I'm moving in 2 months. Whereabouts in Boston are you?

[SteveFlack]

Just commit a major crime, there's no better friend then your cellmate!

-Steve!

[jdklann]

You, sir, are right, like pimpin', making new friends ain't easy, especially as one gets older.

I suppose you could join some sort of club (book, cooking, S&M etc), sign up for a class or do some volunteer work. The bottom line is you need to get out and make yourself available so find something that interests you and take a chance.

[Garth]

Find a bar to hang out at.

Where do you buy comics? I keep having conversations with people at the comic store that lead to me being invited to some event.

well, I hate to admit it, I used to go to Comicopia. But I work at a non-profit, so my finances are stressed (especially now) so I have been using DCBS for a little while now. But I do plan on trying to attend a BenBoard meet up soon.


well, you're probably going to work on your state of mind a little bit. if you're miserable or guilty or whatever your body language and attitudes are going to reflect that. I'm not saying be happy happy joy joy guy. I'm just saying you have to be ok with yourself before you're any good in any other relationships, even just friendships.

There is alot of truth to that. I am very quiet and to myself in situations where I don't feel comfortable. But I have found alcohol helps immensely. So make sure to have a Red Stripe ready for me, Boarders! I won't even introduce myself until I have 3 or 4 shots of Sambuca in me ;-)

[Garth]

I would be your friend but I'm moving in 2 months. Whereabouts in Boston are you?

I live in the North End, I am looking forward to the Sopranos starting (obviously) but since this is essentially the Little Italy of Boston, it is always fun for those kinds of events.

[Shwicaz]

You could be friends with my friend Arch Hall Jr.

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B000087F1V.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg


I own this movie.

I live in Boston, and I have no friends either.

We should grab a beer.

[Your Pal, Carl]

I'm kinda jealous of you Boston guys. I wish there was a strong community within the Board community in the Bay Area that we could meet up monthly or whatever but there just aren't a lot of people here. I've met t00lverine and xyzzy (both great guys) but it would be nice to have a bigger group like you guys have. All my friends are guys I've known since high school or even middle school, and none of them read comics. :(

[NickT]

Making NEW Friends is Hard
Then make old friends. Go up to people and talk like you've known them since childhood. Who knows, maybe they will do the same and you will become bestest friends since a ficticious childhood.

[kaptain]

I feel your pain. Making friends has always been a pain for me, but now that I'm older it's even harder. I'm 30 and most of the people my age have families to take care of and the ones who don't have social circles that are pretty well-established and closed off to newcomers. Plus, I don't drink so I'm pretty much screwed.

[Garth]

I own this movie.

I live in Boston, and I have no friends either.

We should grab a beer.

Well we have met, and you have given me an inquisitive look at Roxbury Crossing once. But I don't think you recognized me. However, I know you really just want to be friends with me to be close to my James Gandolfini sigs ;-) No, I agree a beer would be cool, if nothing else Beer is my friend :-P

[WillieLee]

Cocaine.

[Garth]

Cocaine.

It's a hell of a drug, but not a hell of a friend.

[The Human Target]

Cocaine.

Thats kinda true.

[WillieLee]

It's a hell of a drug, but not a hell of a friend.

But you'll meet all kinds of people. Start dealing.

[Blandy vs Terrorism]

Well, I mean all my closest friends are ones I met in high school, where you are kind of forced to interact with people. Just not the same as an adult.

So you don't interact with anyone at work? That's where most of my friends have come from.

[Matt O'Keefe]

We'll be your friends. Aren't we good enough?:(

[Garth]

So you don't interact with anyone at work? That's where most of my friends have come from.

No no, I do. They are the closest things I have to friends in this time zone right now (again with the exception of my ex), but we just come from very different walks of life. Hard to explain, just not people I would really hang with. But I am at the point where I am looking forward to going to work, because it is giving me that feeling of connection with people.

[saymama]

did ya think of going home? change is not always a bad thing.

[Garth]

did ya think of going home? change is not always a bad thing.

Yeah, I have thought of it. Quite a bit actually. However, part of the "Boston Adventure" was to explore and do my own thing out of my environment. I am already in a pretty shitty place (as far as my mood goes), but going back home and having to shack up with my folks till I get back on my feet doesn't exactly make me feel like I would feel that much better about myself. It is difficult though, cause that is where all my friends are. So whenever I talk to them on the phone, they are beggine me to come back. They just aren't able to understand this predicament very much. Having to go back home and live in the town where you grew up, after coming to Boston and living for a couple years isn't an appetizing thought.

[moonspider]

BAH!!!!

[Garth]

BAH!!!!

care to elaborate?

[c. page]

yeah, you have to join a group of some kind, take a class or something. definitely hit the benbo drinkups, if you can.

it sucks, but look at it as an adventure more than anything else. use this as an opportunity to be whomever you want to be. nobody knows you? that means there's little to no preconceived notions about who you are. go have fun, meet people.

[Sackhead]

I can relate Garthman. But I've also come to realize that none of the advice I've been given for this making new friends works with me.

[t00lverine]

I'm kinda jealous of you Boston guys. I wish there was a strong community within the Board community in the Bay Area that we could meet up monthly or whatever but there just aren't a lot of people here. I've met t00lverine and xyzzy (both great guys) but it would be nice to have a bigger group like you guys have. All my friends are guys I've known since high school or even middle school, and none of them read comics. :(

None of my friends read comics for the most part, that's why I started coming to message boards in the first place-- I wanted to have the occasional conversation about comics with someone who actually read them. We are the strong and proud, 3 NorCal residents on the board!

OP: My advice is to meet up with some boarders, that's a good start right there.

[Shwicaz]

Well we have met, and you have given me an inquisitive look at Roxbury Crossing once. But I don't think you recognized me. However, I know you really just want to be friends with me to be close to my James Gandolfini sigs ;-) No, I agree a beer would be cool, if nothing else Beer is my friend :-P


dude, I suck at faces/names.

What were you doing at Roxbury Crossing (I live 2 blocks away from the station)

drop me a line:

ron@stonewallhouse.com

I generally work6 am - 3 pm, and have weekends off.

This goes for anyone in the Boston area, by the way.

[Alex Wilson]

Yeah, I rely on my significant other for most of my social life as well, and I meet most of my friends through her.

Make a list of your interests and hobbies. books. Films. Movies. Religion. Sports. Writing. There's likely an organized regular event that you can go to (book club, intermural sports, writing critique group, religous study, independent/foreign film series) where you can meet people.

Do a search on Yahoo Groups or on Craig's List for meetups in your area. There are undoubtedly other people like you in Boston. Do you like the people you work with?

Alex.

[Peter McLeod]

you're getting some great tips here.

I agree with Chris Page, take some classes.

I may be a bit biased (I run a dance business), but taking a dance class is a really good option. You get a chance to actually talk to people. I did fencing for 6 weeks and only echanged the odd polite greeting during it. But in a dance class I'd made an entire new social group, some times on the first night. And as a guy, they'd LOVE to have someone new to dance with, no matter the style.

I've done the uproot and move city thing 4 times now, and it can be rough. The fact that you're still there over a year in to it says something about you. Feel good about yourself that you've lasted this long!

[SteveZegers]

I'm not great makign friends better. I think it's because I'm so much better than everyone!

[TheTravis!]

Dude, we DEFINITELY need a BenBoBosBash soon!

And I am AWESOME at making friends.

[DrMachine]

Have you tried speed dating?

[Garth]

you're getting some great tips here.

I agree with Chris Page, take some classes.

I may be a bit biased (I run a dance business), but taking a dance class is a really good option. You get a chance to actually talk to people. I did fencing for 6 weeks and only echanged the odd polite greeting during it. But in a dance class I'd made an entire new social group, some times on the first night. And as a guy, they'd LOVE to have someone new to dance with, no matter the style.

I've done the uproot and move city thing 4 times now, and it can be rough. The fact that you're still there over a year in to it says something about you. Feel good about yourself that you've lasted this long!

Yeah, I did martial arts for 16 years. So I am really thinking about getting involved in that. I just work evenings (2-10pm) so odd hours aren't helping my cause here. But you are completely right.


Yeah, I rely on my significant other for most of my social life as well, and I meet most of my friends through her.

Make a list of your interests and hobbies. books. Films. Movies. Religion. Sports. Writing. There's likely an organized regular event that you can go to (book club, intermural sports, writing critique group, religous study, independent/foreign film series) where you can meet people.

Do a search on Yahoo Groups or on Craig's List for meetups in your area. There are undoubtedly other people like you in Boston. Do you like the people you work with?

Alex.

Yeah, there are tons of movie festivals here. I guess part of the thing is I am still hurting from the break up so I am feeling pretty wimpy and tender (ok, you can all stop laughing now). As time passes, I am sure it will get better.


dude, I suck at faces/names.

What were you doing at Roxbury Crossing (I live 2 blocks away from the station)

drop me a line:

ron@stonewallhouse.com

I generally work6 am - 3 pm, and have weekends off.

This goes for anyone in the Boston area, by the way.

I work as a residential counselor in Mission Hill at a group home for the Home for Little Wanderers, at a house for latency aged kids who have been abused and neglected. It was in the evening and you were getting off the T and heading up the stairs and I was going down the stairs. I definitely will drop you a line. I have Sundays and Mondays off, btw.


I'm not great makign friends better. I think it's because I'm so much better than everyone!

huh? lol

[Garth]

Have you tried speed dating?

Right now dating is pretty far from my mind.

[Jef UK]

Get out of Boston? Hard to make friends with Massholes! (Remind me never ever ever to happen to visit Boston on St. Patty's Day weekend. Ugh.)

[LowKey]

I really wish I could offer some sort of meaningful advice, but I have the same problem.

In Connecticut, it seems as though the bar/local music scene is best option for meeting new folks. At age 21, this isn't much of an issue. Age 34? Forget about it! Most of the folks I've met recently have been relentlessly pilfered from the Myspace pages of a few local buds. I certainly wouldn't recommend it for everyone, but it's worked pretty well for me.

[Greenville 90210]

well, you're probably going to work on your state of mind a little bit. if you're miserable or guilty or whatever your body language and attitudes are going to reflect that. I'm not saying be happy happy joy joy guy. I'm just saying you have to be ok with yourself before you're any good in any other relationships, even just friendships.

Truth.

[Greenville 90210]

Since I started doing comedy I have a whole new group of friends. It's great. So my new advice is to write some jokes.

[Keith P.]

Did you just say church sucks? I'm telling.

You jews, always stirring up trouble!

[UltimateQuintessa]

You have to actually join an organization of some sort. Or church. It sucks.

And with that line I will not be buying the Sinestro Corps. One Shot.:no:




:eek:

[Keith P.]

And with that line I will not be buying the Sinestro Corps. One Shot.:no:




:eek:

Then I will buy two copies!

[Simps]

I was just going to say, sounds like it's time for a Boston BenBoBash!
Hopefully sometime before I graduate. I'd like to go to one.

[JMP]

I concur about the BenBoBosBash idea. This time I'll be actually able to make it, last time they had one I was doing the work from 2-10pm thing, just like garthman is doing now. I haven't even lived in this state for 2 years and I've only got one real friend and a few aquaintances, so don't feel bad.

[Garth]

I concur about the BenBoBosBash idea. This time I'll be actually able to make it, last time they had one I was doing the work from 2-10pm thing, just like garthman is doing now. I haven't even lived in this state for 2 years and I've only got one real friend and a few aquaintances, so don't feel bad.

I'm with you buddy. So on wed. are people going to The Field? If so, will there be people there still @ 10:30-10:45, cause I won't be able to make it till then.

[JMP]

I'm with you buddy. So on wed. are people going to The Field? If so, will there be people there still @ 10:30-10:45, cause I won't be able to make it till then.

I don't know, I normally have school early on Thursday mornings so I haven't been able to make it to one of those meet-ups. But this week I'm on Spring Break so I might be able to make it.

I'd have to get directions as well. I live between Fall River and New Bedford, it's been a while since I've been to Boston.

[TheTravis!]

OK, if we do this BenBoBosBash, all of you fuckers need to actually show up. Because the last two times we tried this, it was me, Jen, and Ronnie T, along with Ron's posse (The Shiwcaz rolls 5 deep).

[Simps]

I'm with you buddy. So on wed. are people going to The Field? If so, will there be people there still @ 10:30-10:45, cause I won't be able to make it till then.
I know I wouldn't, but I think a Friday or Saturday night dinner/drinks thing could be fun.

[JMP]

OK, if we do this BenBoBosBash, all of you fuckers need to actually show up. Because the last two times we tried this, it was me, Jen, and Ronnie T, along with Ron's posse (The Shiwcaz rolls 5 deep).

I say we do it, I'll be there.

[Greenville 90210]

If I lived in Boston I'd go. Pour some out for me.

[TheTravis!]

I know I wouldn't, but I think a Friday or Saturday night dinner/drinks thing could be fun.

Pick a Friday or Saturday in April or May that is NOT the weekend of 4/20, and I will do my very best to be there.

[Jacob Lyon Goddard]

glad someone pointed out that Boston is full of B-Boarders with drinking problems

i usually hang out with board members every two weeks or so

[Simps]

Pick a Friday or Saturday in April or May that is NOT the weekend of 4/20, and I will do my very best to be there.
I'd probably be inclined to vote for the weekends of 4/13 or 4/27. By the time May rolls around, I know I'll be all about pregraduation parties and events and finals and saying goodbye to friends.

[ItsDLEVY]

Either of those sound good to me. (And hey Scotland, if you're reading, I'll be in NOLA the weekend of 4/20...)

[JMP]

I'm pretty sure I can make both of those days, so either of them sounds good to me.

[Donal DeLay]

Wish I could give you advice, but I'm horrible at making friends.

I don't chit-chat very well. People are NEVER interested in the same things I am so I can't talk to anyone about them. Plus there's the fact that I don't like going to places. Ever. Anywhere. I'd rather talk online than on the phone.

[Garth]

Wish I could give you advice, but I'm horrible at making friends.

I don't chit-chat very well. People are NEVER interested in the same things I am so I can't talk to anyone about them. Plus there's the fact that I don't like going to places. Ever. Anywhere. I'd rather talk online than on the phone.

I hear ya brother. Join the club! And if I DID have friends here, I would probably feel like staying in and not hanging. But being as alone, it isn't even an option really, which kinda sucks. I don't know, it is complicated. Anyone know a good shrink? lol:surrend: