Hello. I'm the replacement...

[Mike Haseloff]

Just so you all know, I'm the replacement Alex Maleev.


In two days I'll be uploading some artwork to a small safety webspace in the Bronx.

I will be hacking into several websites, in which, you will find a series of cryptic clues, some more clear than others, which will lead you to the webspace.

Once you piece together the ultimate riddle, you will be required to solve it.
This will give you the filename you need to access said art.

Thank you, that is all.

Mad, sweaty, anal sex.

[joeAR]

I'm officially scared

[JABSEN]

Ok,will asses be bitten?

[Mike Haseloff]

Ok,will asses be bitten?Bitten, groped, prodded, licked, flicked, touched, fondled, and most of all, loved long time. :cool:

[joeAR]

Bitten, groped, prodded, licked, flicked, touched, fondled, and most of all, loved long time. :cool:


Sold!!!

[Howlett]

Ah you suck :mad:

BRING BACK MALEEV!!!!!

[Mike Haseloff]

Ah you suck :mad:

BRING BACK MALEEV!!!!!There is no one you can go, that I cannot follow!


*clang* *ching*

Thou sword ist most mighty! But 'tis no match for mein steadfast hammer!

[Howlett]

There is no one you can go, that I cannot follow!


*clang* *ching*

Thou sword ist most mighty! But 'tis no match for mein steadfast hammer!
You may have a mighty hammer but I have a trick up my sleeve *reaches into coat, takes out a surprise*

ONE MORE MOVE AND THE NEW INVADERS COMIC GETS IT!!!! :mad:

[Mike Haseloff]

You may have a mighty hammer but I have a trick up my sleeve *reaches into coat, takes out a surprise*

ONE MORE MOVE AND THE NEW INVADERS COMIC GETS IT!!!! :mad:I'M MELTING! MELTING! Melllllllltiiiinnnnggggg...



Y'know, when I say, "Hello. I'm the replacement..."
I've just stepped into the doorway of the classroom, and put my briefcase or whatever on the floor. And everyone's all, "*gasp*"

Y'know?

And all is silent. And you can hear my footsteps as I walk behind the teacher's desk, turn around, grab a duster, and then, like... THROW IT! Right at the obnoxious fat kid that chews gum in class. Right at his head!
And he chokes on the gum, and then I'm all just turning around, and writing my name on the black board.


:cool:

That's what just happened here, tubby.

[Howlett]

I'M MELTING! MELTING! Melllllllltiiiinnnnggggg...



Y'know, when I say, "Hello. I'm the replacement..."
I've just stepped into the doorway of the classroom, and put my briefcase or whatever on the floor. And everyone's all, "*gasp*"

Y'know?

And all is silent. And you can hear my footsteps as I walk behind the teacher's desk, turn around, grab a duster, and then, like... THROW IT! Right at the obnoxious fat kid that chews gum in class. Right at his head!
And he chokes on the gum, and then I'm all just turning around, and writing my name on the black board.


:cool:

That's what just happened here, tubby.
Who you calling "tubby"? :miffed: Just for that I'm going to insult you evry chance I .................................oh wait, I do that anyway :?

One minute, I'll figure this out.....................................don't move, I'll be right back............................

[Mike Haseloff]

Who you calling "tubby"? :miffed: Just for that I'm going to insult you evry chance I .................................oh wait, I do that anyway :?

One minute, I'll figure this out.....................................don't move, I'll be right back............................YOU GOT PUNKED!

PUNKED, GOOD!
BY...
THE REPLACEMENT!
This summer, the teacher is going to keep you after school - and beat you with a hammer!
Rated R for child abuse, violence, and coarse language.

[Howlett]

YOU GOT PUNKED!

PUNKED, GOOD!
BY...
THE REPLACEMENT!
This summer, the teacher is going to keep you after school - and beat you with a hammer![/size]
Rated R for child abuse, violence, and coarse language.
:mad: I will make you pay Haseloff, make you pay good!!!

[Mike Haseloff]

:mad: I will make you pay Haseloff, make you pay good!!!Sorry Howlett, I'm going to have to fail you.

*blows you away with a rocket*

And there'll be no make up test, this time.

Class dismissed.

NEXT SUMMER! HOWLETT'S GERMAN BROTHER COMES BACK FOR REVENGE IN...
THE REPLACEMENT II: Parent/Teacher day

[Howlett]

Sorry Howlett, I'm going to have to fail you.

*blows you away with a rocket*

And there'll be no make up test, this time.

Class dismissed.

NEXT SUMMER! HOWLETT'S GERMAN BROTHER COMES BACK FOR REVENGE IN...
THE REPLACEMENT II: Parent/Teacher day
Um, Mike? I'm not German :? You just shot the exchange student............... cool :D

[JABSEN]

I find Mike an adequate replacement.

[GoddessOKay]

remind me to replace the bouncers at the bottom of my sig w/ pic of DD and Bats instead.
i'm all for ponytails and all but i realy think the imbalance of time you've been spending between the surface and the ocean has been going to your head again Rex!...yeppo! :shock:

[Mike Haseloff]

I find Mike an adequate replacement.CHOSEN

remind me to replace the bouncers at the bottom of my sig w/ pic of DD and Bats instead.
i'm all for ponytails and all but i realy think the imbalance of time you've been spending between the surface and the ocean has been going to your head again Rex!...yeppo! :shock:FORGOTTEN


Only when I rule all the world will I be satisfied!
SURVIVIAL OF THE HASELOFFEST! :mad:

[Howlett]

Only when I rule all the world will I be satisfied!
SURVIVIAL OF THE HASELOFFEST! :mad:
Guess you'll never be satisfied then :p

Oh well, sucks to be you :lol:

[Mike Haseloff]

Guess you'll never be satisfied then :p

Oh well, sucks to be you :lol:Yes! As you can imagine, I have an atrociously imbalanced sex life. :?

[Howlett]

Yes! As you can imagine, I have an atrociously imbalanced sex life. :?
Um, I don't want to imagine your sex life :shock: The thoughts of the hammers and the fishy underoo's and stuff............:no: Don't need those images in my...............................................D AMMIT, I HAVE THE IMAGES NOW!!!!!

[Mike Haseloff]

Um, I don't want to imagine your sex life :shock: The thoughts of the hammers and the fishy underoo's and stuff............:no: Don't need those images in my...............................................D AMMIT, I HAVE THE IMAGES NOW!!!!!:lol:

Bow bow chik chik bow bow banananaanana banananeow neow.*



*Dodgy seventies porno soundtrack

[joeAR]

I'M MELTING! MELTING! Melllllllltiiiinnnnggggg...



Y'know, when I say, "Hello. I'm the replacement..."
I've just stepped into the doorway of the classroom, and put my briefcase or whatever on the floor. And everyone's all, "*gasp*"

Y'know?

And all is silent. And you can hear my footsteps as I walk behind the teacher's desk, turn around, grab a duster, and then, like... THROW IT! Right at the obnoxious fat kid that chews gum in class. Right at his head!
And he chokes on the gum, and then I'm all just turning around, and writing my name on the black board.


:cool:

That's what just happened here, tubby.


That's the funniest thing I heard/read all weekend. Props go to you Haseloff

[dEnny!]

No one can EVER replace Alex.

[Shannon Chenoweth]

No one can EVER replace Alex.

Hey look, something we agree on! :p







just kidding Denny ;)

RC

[GoddessOKay]

Yes! As you can imagine, I have an atrociously imbalanced sex life. :?
hmm....maybe it's time to join Wren in her cause.
yeah, i think that would be prudent right about now.

[Angel]

mike, you're like when they replaced daren on bewitched. we all know you're not alex, but we'll put up with you til he gets back.

[Yano]

It's kinda like the replacement Becky on Roseanne. Nice to look at, it kept the continuity of the show, but boy, were we happy when the REAL Becky came back!

No offense Mike. 'Cuz you know, the second Becky was REALLY hot.

[Mike Haseloff]

Well, if you don't want me, I'm just going to ban myself from the board!



:cry:

[Angel]

it's not like we don't appreciate you trying mike, it's just not exactly the same.
talk more about ass, that'll help.

[Mike Haseloff]

it's not like we don't appreciate you trying mike, it's just not exactly the same.
talk more about ass, that'll help.I CAN'T! THE WALLS HAVE EARS! :shifty:

[GoddessOKay]

does anyone have the feeling that we should be investing in a giant fish tank to help even out Haselof's oxygen level at this point besides me? ?:
i mean he is the Imperius Rex, and that can lead to some complications if he stays in the air to long....just saying.

[Mike Haseloff]

does anyone have the feeling that we should be investing in a giant fish tank to help even out Haselof's oxygen level at this point besides me? ?:
i mean he is the Imperius Rex, and that can lead to some complications if he stays in the air to long....just saying.DON'T TELL ANYONE, BUT I CAN'T SWIM! :shifty:

[JABSEN]

DON'T TELL ANYONE, BUT I CAN'T SWIM! :shifty:IMPERIUS WEAK!!!!!!:king:

[Mike Haseloff]

IMPERIUS WEAK!!!!!!:king: FORGOTTEN


REX! :mad:

[joeAR]

Hey you're the one who admitted that he can't swim. You dont deserve to have the ability to say IMPERIUS REX!

[Mike Haseloff]

Hey you're the one who admitted that he can't swim. You dont deserve to have the ability to say IMPERIUS REX!Bah!

Silence! Bow before the replacement!
And all considering, make sure you bow AWAY from me... :grope:

[joeAR]

You know what? I'M TAKING OVER!!!!!!!!!!! Cue the NWO music

[GoddessOKay]

IMPERIUS WEAK!!!!!!:king:


http://www.nitelitetheatre.com/haselowned.jpg

[Mike Haseloff]

http://www.nitelitetheatre.com/haselowned.jpgThat's hot!

:cool:

[GoddessOKay]

That's hot!

:cool:
king of deflectionary tactics....aren't you???
;)

[Mike Haseloff]

king of deflectionary tactics....aren't you???
;)That reminds me of a funny story... :D

[joeAR]

That picture of you with the hammer is some scary shit.

[Howlett]

That picture of you with the hammer is some scary shit.
Ah, don't worry. Mike's a pussy cat......................emphasis on one word there :lol: :p

[joeAR]

Ah, don't worry. Mike's a pussy cat......................emphasis on one word there :lol: :p


Cat?

[Howlett]

Cat?
Yes JoeAR, cat *slaps JoeAR across the back of the head*

[joeAR]

Yes JoeAR, cat *slaps JoeAR across the back of the head*


You just said emphasize on one word there, you weren't specific enough, great that's even more brain cells gone.

[Howlett]

You just said emphasize on one word there, you weren't specific enough, great that's even more brain cells gone.
*slap, slap, slap* And there are more gone now :twisted: Heh, this is fun.

[joeAR]

*slap, slap, slap* And there are more gone now :twisted: Heh, this is fun.


Evil. EVIL!!!!!!!

[Mike Haseloff]

I'll cat you two, in a minute! :mad:

[joeAR]

I'll cat you two, in a minute! :mad:


You'll crawl on your hands and knees and....on second thought nevermind.

[Mike Haseloff]

http://www.infocusmag.com/03February/catwoman.jpg

CATWOMOWNED!!!

[joeAR]

http://www.infocusmag.com/03February/catwoman.jpg

CATWOMOWNED!!!


Catwoman? Bah. Fuck Catwoman. It would have been better if it was the Black Cat.

[GoddessOKay]

Catwoman? Bah. Fuck Catwoman. It would have been better if it was the Black Cat.
i TOTALLY AGREE! w/ this assesment, and i'm a female. Catwoman SUCKS! throw back to the 40's house keeping days. :no: Black Cat is like liberated 70 freak woman! i'd rather be that any day!.....(did i just say that? :mistrust: )


That reminds me of a funny story... :D
but either way, what's the story?!
come on! tell!! :p

[Sir Erudite Gav]

but either way, what's the story?!
come on! tell!! :p

Exactly, you can't just say that reminds you of a story and then keep us waiting. Who do you think you are? Kevin Smith?

Boom-boom.

[joeAR]

It's story time damn it. Now make witht the story

[Mike Haseloff]

Exactly, you can't just say that reminds you of a story and then keep us waiting. Who do you think you are? Kevin Smith?

Boom-boom.Ha ha ha! Hey, that reminds me of another funny story!...

[Howlett]

Ha ha ha! Hey, that reminds me of another funny story!...
GET WITH THE GODDAMN STORIES ALREADY!!!! :mad:

[Mike Haseloff]

GET WITH THE GODDAMN STORIES ALREADY!!!! :mad:Oooooh, a story? Awesome!

[Howlett]

Oooooh, a story? Awesome!
:mad: HaselOFFFFFFF!!!!!!!! STOP FUCKING TEASING US!!!!

[Mike Haseloff]

Okay, a story, sure... a creative guy like me, wants to writes comics... sure... I can... can... handle that... :shifty:

So, um... one day, I was like, out walking and stuff, 'cause... I was out of cheese, and I wanted some cheese, so I went to the store, to get some cheese, because I was out of cheese.

And next thing I'm, like, stepping off the bus to the store to get some cheese, and there's like, a fucking silhouette flying across the roofs, and I'm like... fuck!

So I'm all, you know, buying my cheese in the store, and then there's a fucking like, BOOM SHAKALAKA, in the alleyway next door, and the guy selling me the cheese at the store because I was out of cheese and wanted some more is all, "just alley cats, yo"

So I'm all, "Imperius Rex, brotha," and I hammer time it out of there.

But I'm all thinking, y'know, I wonder what that alley cat is up to.
I mean, I've seen Law & Order, I know how dangerous these alley cats are, and I know usually whenever some cat goes down a trash filled alley way, he finds some gnarly. So I'm all, yo, I want to be a superhero, so I'll do my duty.

Next thing, I'm all, you know, dropping my cheese which means I need more cheese because the packet with the cheese split on the concrete when I dropped the cheese which meant the cheese was no good and I wanted some cheese so I had to go buy some more cheese which isn't so bad because at least I was close by to buy the cheese from the store where I had bought the cheese that fell on the floor.

So, anyway, I'll tell you more about the cheese later, because in the alley way, is some fucking woman in latex licking her arm!

So I'm all, "yo, are you okay? I hear there are a lot of alley cats around here"

And she's all, "Yo, it gets so hot in this latex suit... uuuunnnngggg... if only there were a way to cool down."

And I'm all, "By the bacon in Odin's beard - YOU'RE CATWOMAN!"

And she's all, "Oooooh nooo, you know my secret. I guess you're going to have to DO ME, RIGHT HERE, AGAINST THE WALL OF THIS ALLEY."

And I'm all, "Okay."

But that's when I realise, the alley cats weren't trying to kill me! They were trying to WARN ME!

WARM ME BECAUSE CATWOMAN HAD GONE BAD AGAIN, AND SHE WANTED TO STEAL MY CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!!!

So we did it, and I gave her my cheese, without her ever knowing it had been on the dirty, disease ridden floor.

The end. :cool:


... now, I have to go get a cigarette.

[joeAR]

Heh funny, you were writing all Bendis style. Imperius Rex bitches

[Mike Haseloff]

Heh funny, you were writing all Bendis style. Imperius Rex bitchesBendis stole his style from me, then.

He knows nothing of the cheese epics.

[joeAR]

That's true, Bendis has never mentioned cheese before in his writing. Maybe if he did sales triple cause you know, everyone loves cheese

[GoddessOKay]

since when do cats eat cheese :? :shifty: ???

[joeAR]

since when do cats eat cheese :? :shifty: ???


I guess in Austrailia they do

[Mike Haseloff]

Duh.
She's a cat burglar. Not a cat. :roll:


You're completely missing the point!... :no:

[joeAR]

Well maybe if you were a better writer we wouldn't have missed the point!

[Mike Haseloff]

Well maybe if you were a better writer we wouldn't have missed the point!Pffft, it's not my fault you guys are spazzes!

The point is quite CLEARLY that I need to buy more cheese, thus representing life's everlasting search for something we can never truly hold on to - love.


:no:

[Blandy]

I have all new respect for Mike. But I still want Alex back.

[Mike Haseloff]

I have all new respect for Mike. But I still want Alex back.See? This cat smells the artistic. He's reading between the lines.
He understands the metaphors. :cool:

[Howlett]

See? This cat smells the artistic. He's reading between the lines.
He understands the metaphors. :cool:
Oh pipe down "Maleev-lite" ;)

[Mike Haseloff]

Oh pipe down "Maleev-lite" ;)No Spider-Woman nudes for YOU! :no:


I'm going to draw my story up, substitute Catwoman for some no-name knock-off, and shop it around to publishers.

Oooooooh yeeeeaaaaah!!! :cool:

[Howlett]

No Spider-Woman nudes for YOU! :no:
:shock: But.......................... Aww :cry:

[Mike Haseloff]

:shock: But.......................... Aww :cry:Don't mess wit da Kingpin, kiddo. :cool:

[Howlett]

Don't mess wit da Kingpin, kiddo. :cool:
Screw it, I'll just draw my own. Theres no way I won't stop messing with you :twisted:

[Mike Haseloff]

Screw it, I'll just draw my own. Theres no way I won't stop messing with you :twisted:The whole world's against me. :(


REX! :mad:

[Howlett]

The whole world's against me. :(


REX! :mad:
:shock:..................it's against me too!!! Creepy!!! Maybe we should team up or something :?

[Mike Haseloff]

:shock:..................it's against me too!!! Creepy!!! Maybe we should team up or something :?Last night I teamed up with Wren against the menace of AAlgar's Americana. We're like the Defenders.

http://www.bobscomics.com/CoversSep/T_ESSEtp.jpg

[Howlett]

Last night I teamed up with Wren against the menace of AAlgar's Americana. We're like the Defenders.

http://www.bobscomics.com/CoversSep/T_ESSEtp.jpg
Nah, we're cooler than the Defenders. Much cooler. So there're more than just you and me against the world? Sweet :cool:

[Dread Pirate Wren]

hmm....maybe it's time to join Wren in her cause.
yeah, i think that would be prudent right about now.

Bwhahaha!

You thought this admission would be hidden from me, because I'm never on this board.

But you were wrong. So wrong.

*raises hands*

Sexy Storm Troopers of Death!

[Dread Pirate Wren]

Last night I teamed up with Wren against the menace of AAlgar's Americana. We're like the Defenders.

http://www.bobscomics.com/CoversSep/T_ESSEtp.jpg

*nods* We kicked his American ass...if writing nonsense until he had to go to work equals and ass kicking. I figure it does.

[Olivier E.]

*Shouts*

Hey Namor, remember me?


http://www.zeuscomics.com/images/covers/new-invaders-6.jpg

[Mike Haseloff]

*Shouts*

Hey Namor, remember me?


http://www.zeuscomics.com/images/covers/new-invaders-6.jpg It's my feared nemesis the red X! (We all know Wolverine would've gotten his arse handed to him! :roll:)

[Mike Haseloff]

This thread has the most replies out of any on the Maleev board.

Goddard has come to challenge this (you can fool me).
Defend your Kinpin. :mad:

[joeAR]

This thread has the most replies out of any on the Maleev board.

Goddard has come to challenge this (you can fool me).
Defend your Kinpin. :mad:


Defend? You? You're the worst kingpin i've had. Damn, give me a job already, i'm ready. I'm better than Turk, I swear.