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View Full Version : Who Wants to Help With My Story?


Raphael J
05-06-2005, 09:59 AM
Yes, that same story I did a few months ago. I've been working on it and I'm trying to improve it. I've added quite a bit to it, but I need help with two things.

I need a new title. I named it Endsong because I'm a terrible writer, but I thought I could eventually come up with something better. But I couldn't. So now I need your help.

Also, if you guys would/could read the story and give me some critiques. I really want to improve and would accept any form of constructive criticism at all. Just pm me your email address and I'll send the story as soon as I can.

Thanks guys!
Balthazar
05-06-2005, 10:00 AM
Yes, that same story I did a few months ago. I've been working on it and I'm trying to improve it. I've added quite a bit to it, but I need help with two things.

I need a new title. I named it Endsong because I'm a terrible writer, but I thought I could eventually come up with something better. But I couldn't. So now I need your help.

Also, if you guys would/could read the story and give me some critiques. I really want to improve and would accept any form of constructive criticism at all. Just pm me your email address and I'll send the story as soon as I can.

Thanks guys!


Send it to me. I'll give you a crit.
The Human Target
05-06-2005, 10:00 AM
Dude, I still haven't gotten in the shower cause I suck.

But I'd like to help you out with anything you need. Just post bathing.
Raphael J
05-06-2005, 10:11 AM
Thanks guys. Hopefully a few more people will volunteer, and then I can send it all at once. Hopefully in an hour or so.

But seriously, you guys rock for doing this.
Heat_Miser
05-06-2005, 10:13 AM
Send it and I will make it a MOTHERFUCKING WORK OF ART.
GoddessOKay
05-13-2005, 07:48 PM
HEY RAPHAEL!!!:

go ninja! go ninja! GO! :D





no, just check you're email, i got that critiqued version of your story back to you.
hope it doesn't seem harsh...cuz you were great!
JABSEN
05-13-2005, 07:49 PM
Sure,I'd be down.My email is in my profile
Raphael J
05-13-2005, 07:49 PM
Yeah, thanks to everyone who got back to me. As it stands, I have a lot of work ahead of me, but work I'll gladly do.

Thanks again!
GoddessOKay
05-13-2005, 07:52 PM
like i said, no problemo! ;)
Mike Haseloff
05-13-2005, 07:53 PM
Probably needs more anal sex, I'd say.
Raphael J
05-13-2005, 07:55 PM
Probably needs more anal sex, I'd say.

That's your answer for everything.

:heybaby:
JABSEN
05-13-2005, 07:56 PM
That's your answer for everything.

:heybaby:But is he always right?
Raphael J
05-13-2005, 07:57 PM
But is he always right?

Well, he likes to give answers a lot, but I usually make him receive them.






















'cause you see, it's all innuendo.
Mike Haseloff
05-13-2005, 08:02 PM
Well, he likes to give answers a lot, but I usually make him receive them.

'cause you see, it's all innuendo. Most of you guys would never have heard of me, but I'm HUGE down under... :heybaby:
JABSEN
05-13-2005, 08:04 PM
Most of you guys would never have heard of me, but I'm HUGE down under... :heybaby:That's funny cause I heard you have small..umm.

A small penis.

I'm no good at innuendo
Raphael J
05-13-2005, 08:05 PM
Most of you guys would never have heard of me, but I'm HUGE down under... :heybaby:

:::comedic drum effect:::

Ok, I just sent them to Cyrus, Jabsen, and Mike. Thanks guys!
Raphael J
05-13-2005, 08:06 PM
That's funny cause I heard you have small..umm.

A small penis.

I'm no good at innuendo

:lol:

I laugh because it's true.

.....not the small penis thing, I have no idea on that. Just that Jabsen's no good at innuendo.
Mike Haseloff
05-13-2005, 08:10 PM
That's funny cause I heard you have small..umm.

A small penis.

I'm no good at innuendoWhen JABSEN goes to dial the phone, the receiver is always dead.

BOOYAH!
Making it up as I go.
greatgamer
05-13-2005, 08:16 PM
I could think of a few titles for you so count me in.

email: greatgamer@gmail.com
Mike Haseloff
05-14-2005, 12:46 AM
I just got your e-mail, but there's no attachment, or story inside.


Is this some kind of joke?
rumblegirl
05-14-2005, 02:29 AM
i love critiquing!
so if you could use an honest opinion from someone who doesn't know you at all feel free to email it to me: lacqua86@aol.com
JABSEN
05-14-2005, 04:18 AM
I just got your e-mail, but there's no attachment, or story inside.What he said
Mike Haseloff
05-14-2005, 04:37 AM
What he saidYeah, I don't know about you man, but my critique would have to be pretty harsh.

I mean... seriously dude. Where's the plot?! Where's the characterization?
This is crap. Anyone could come up with this!





REX! :D
JABSEN
05-14-2005, 04:39 AM
Yeah, I don't know about you man, but my critique would have to be pretty harsh.

I mean... seriously dude. Where's the plot?! Where's the characterization?
This is crap. Anyone could come up with this!





REX! :DI thought it opened strong,but then fell apart
Raphael J
05-14-2005, 04:46 AM
Yeah, sorry guys, apparently I'm an idiot. So I've sent you all the email, this time with the attachment.

And, once again, sorry.
JABSEN
05-14-2005, 04:47 AM
That's cool.I just got it.I'll let you know what I think
Mike Haseloff
05-14-2005, 04:48 AM
Yeah, sorry guys, apparently I'm an idiot. So I've sent you all the email, this time with the attachment.

And, once again, sorry.You had your chance, it's too late now.

This relationship is officially finished. :no:
Raphael J
05-14-2005, 04:49 AM
You had your chance, it's too late now.

This relationship is officially finished. :no:

No it's not.
JABSEN
05-14-2005, 04:50 AM
No it's not.psst...

Backrub
Mike Haseloff
05-14-2005, 04:51 AM
No it's not.I can't believe you called God a fag.

Ever since this Nazi-Pope business, he's been pretty highly strung.
You're so totally fucked when he hears about this.



Oh, sure.
"That's not what it says! READ IT AGAIN!"


Tell it to the judge. :no:
Raphael J
05-14-2005, 04:58 AM
I can't believe you called God a fag.

Ever since this Nazi-Pope business, he's been pretty highly strung.
You're so totally fucked when he hears about this.



Oh, sure.
"That's not what it says! READ IT AGAIN!"


Tell it to the judge. :no:

I already did. He chuckled. Then said people wouldn't get it because they were douches.

But he said Mike would get it. Thank goodness you're not an insensitive douche.
Mike Haseloff
05-14-2005, 05:00 AM
I already did. He chuckled. Then said people wouldn't get it because they were douches.

But he said Mike would get it. Thank goodness you're not an insensitive douche.http://www.thestinkers.com/images2/judgedredd-02.jpg
"In England, we put our fags in our mouths!"




(Up until the last ten or so years, fags had nothing to do with homosexuality here either.)
Raphael J
05-14-2005, 05:08 AM
http://www.thestinkers.com/images2/judgedredd-02.jpg
"In England, we put our fags in our mouths!"




(Up until the last ten or so years, fags had nothing to do with homosexuality here either.)

See! Goldmine for comedic hijinx!
Mike Haseloff
05-14-2005, 05:14 AM
See! Goldmine for comedic hijinx!It's pretty late here, and I'll probably go to bed soon, so I just thought I'd let you know, you probably won't hear from me until at least tomorrow.
Raphael J
05-14-2005, 05:18 AM
It's pretty late here, and I'll probably go to bed soon, so I just thought I'd let you know, you probably won't hear from me until at least tomorrow.

Get back to me whenever you have the chance. This shouldn't be a top priority for you guys. Just get to it when you have the time.

And thanks again everyone.

:D
Mike Haseloff
05-14-2005, 05:20 AM
Get back to me whenever you have the chance. This shouldn't be a top priority for you guys. Just get to it when you have the time.

And thanks again everyone.

:DWell, I for one would be bitching you out right now if it were you that was going to go to sleep before reading it, so... I really don't mind making it a priority.

Maybe you're just saying that, but you're actually meaning - MAKE IT A FUCKING PRIORITY ASSHOLES!

I know that's what I'd be meaning.
I'd totally be cursing you out RIGHT - NOW!

I couldn't stand the suspense.
Raphael J
05-14-2005, 05:22 AM
Well, I for one would be bitching you out right now if it were you that was going to go to sleep before reading it, so... I really don't mind making it a priority.

Maybe you're just saying that, but you're actually meaning - MAKE IT A FUCKING PRIORITY ASSHOLES!

I know that's what I'd be meaning.
I'd totally be cursing you out RIGHT - NOW!

I couldn't stand the suspense.

That's because I've developed a wee-little something I like to call patience.

:cool:
Mike Haseloff
05-14-2005, 05:23 AM
That's because I've developed a wee-little something I like to call patience.

:cool:Patience is for the weak. :mad:


NOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOW!!!!

http://www.nitelitetheatre.com/imperiusrex.jpg
GoddessOKay
05-14-2005, 06:08 AM
feel the love!!!
i begining to think that like Namor hisself, Haselof has developed a slight case of bipolar disorder :lol:

but yeah, reading it was no hassel cuz it read so well, like i said, good story :)
and nice diversion after final finals week ;)